A 3 year old shining a mini light saber in my eye, a cat on my computer, one dog eating my slipper that’s still on my foot, another dog chewing on a squeaky toy (why do I even buy those things) and a neighbor mowing his lawn….this is how I get my work done!
I haven’t been able to get on here to blog about personal stuff as much as I’d like to lately. It seems once spring hits so does all the b.s. My daughter was sick the last week and by week I mean full week so there were 5 consecutive nights of absolutely no sleep. I am pretty sure I could compare it to what Leonardo DiCaprio felt like on Wolf of Wall Street when he consumed quailiuds, that’s what I felt like. Not sure if my legs or hands were even working. Not a single sentence that came out of my mouth probably made any sense. I was an absolute train wreck of emotions it felt like I was pregnant. Crying at commercials non stop type of emotional. V got better, sleep existed again and things went on.
I always say tomorrow is the day or today is the day I’ll do this all, but then nope. I get maybe a thing or two done, feel overly accomplished and then a million things come up and I just take it one thing at a time until I realize it’s dark outside, the street lights came on and I’m overtired as all hell ready for bed.
I don’t care how many blog posts or articles you read about finding balance. I don’t care how many people you aspire to be like and morph your chaotic life into something with ridicule and agenda. You will have things come up left and right, you will have lots of things come up!
I could plan my entire day, week, month or year down to a t and holy cow would that be amazing and entirely too far fetched. At the end of the day you can not account for the stomach bug your child picked up and brought home to share. You cannot account for the things you forgot and need to turn around for making you late for the 3rd time this week. You cannot account for the spilled coffee on your shirt that needs to be changed. You cannot account for the days of work that go a little longer than before or the meal you forgot about that turned out darker than your black face mask that is now stuck to your face, never again by the way. Life happens, shit happens and you deal with it and move on.
My form of balance is not letting myself get so irritated by the things I can control and trying to go about my day not wanting to run out back + scream at the top of my lungs. Balance to me is just getting by at this point.
I’ve had a fair share of run ins lately with health, family and the regular old BS that comes into play on a daily basis. I’ve definitely let it hit me hard and then I use it to motivate myself. Taking a negative and turning it into a positive, should have been my goal for 2019 from the start. Now is just a good of a time as any, am I right?
V has 2.5 weeks left of 3 year old preschool and that’s bittersweet. My little brother who I swear we just brought home from the hospital is about to graduate high school the same day as V ends. He just decided on the college he will attend, a hard to accept step in his life, hard to accept that he’s a grown man but also my little brother. I’m filled with a tremendous amount of pride and know the future will hold nothing but the best for him. An enormous downfall in one side of the family that felt like a defeat at first now feels like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. It’s hard to address difficult times with family, we have to remember yes they are our family, but that doesn’t mean we accept how they treat us.
As for me, work is amazing, my social media is doing pretty well and as always I’m thankful for what I have, who I have, where I came from and where I will go.
Happy May! – Xo