31.

Another year older…

I said to my friend the other day, I use to make my birthday as epic as a holiday. It was always a bash or a blowout, an extravagant night out and a series of stories to tell afterwards. I had numerous birthdays where it was a rented limo and filled it with every close friend we could. The nights started out as a “this will be the best night ever” and ended in a “holy shit I can’t believe that happened”. High heels, curled hair, blacked dresses and endless photo opps. I always did it up bigger than big and celebrated like it would be the last birthday ever. I had no fear, no worries, I just lived in the moment. A birthday was a day I looked forward to.

Years later, fast forward a little… I became a mom and things changed, they really changed. For whatever reason my anxiety took over my birthdays and the excitement became almost a fear. I knew that every year I turned older, a month later so didn’t my little baby girl. I didn’t want to celebrate much, even declined celebrations for my big 30th last year and shut the ideas down. A party that I had been planning in my mind since I was 21, right down to those heels, that little black dress and that curly hair. The endless photo opps, a song I’d dance with all my fiends to and never forget. I couldn’t even imagine it for a second. I said no.

I don’t know that I’d necessarily say I regret it… but I maybe wish I snapped out of it, enough to enjoy even a fraction of what I had imagined.

This year after going through the obstacles 2020 threw at us and continue to, I had an epiphany… I’ll only ever be this age once, the same applies to my little queen. I always have known this; it’s not like the first time I’ve ever said it… just this year I kind of had to force myself to remember.

So this year, I acknowledged my birthday. I let my friends take me out, I let the in-laws throw a little get together.. and I did it with a smile on my face. I did my normal lunch with my family and talked to all my friends, it felt good.

Cheers to 31 & to continue growing no matter what age I may be!